DD3. DEFT DEFINITIONS

BABY - a) A little rivet in the bonds of matrimony.
b) An alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
c) It makes love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank accounts smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
BACHELOR - a) A man who never made the same mistake once.
b) A souvenir of some women who found a better one at the last minute.
BACK - That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
BANKER - A professional man who lends you an umbrella in fair weath-er and takes it away when it rains.
BANKRUPTCY - When you put your money in your hip-pocket and let your creditors take away your coat.
BARBARISM - Condition of past customs.
BEAUTY - a) Smile of God.
b) In the fair sex is the potent alchemy which transforms men into asses.
c) A soft, smooth, slippery thing and therefore of a nature which easily permeates our soul
BEHAVIOUR - A mirror in which everyone displays his image.
BELIEFS - Fashions of our environments.
BENDING - The exercise most frequently performed whether we like it or not.
BIOGRAPHY An uncoloured profile portrait of the better side of a man's face.
BIRTHDAYS - A malady like measles from which everyone suffers.
BLESSINGS - An event which is generally disguised. Most people will prefer it to be undisguised when they happen to be the beneficiary, but the theory that blessings in disguise are constantly happening they find consoling since it enables them to bear the troubles of others without feeling miserable.
BLOOD - Juice of the rarest quality.
BOASTER - He is like the denominator of a numeral, the bigger he tries to be the smaller in fact he becomes.
BODY - a) Guest-chamber of soul.
b) That well set clock which keeps good time, but if it be too much or indiscreetly tampered with, the alarm runs before the hour.
BOLDNESS -Bad in council, but good in execution.
BOOKS - a) Children of the brain.
b) Lighthouses erected in the infinite sea of time.
c) They are like women, the worse for being old. They have a pleasure in being read for the first time, they open their leaves more cordially, but the spirit of enjoyment wears out with the spirit of novelty and after a certain age it is high time to put them on the shelf.
BOOKSHOPS - Universities which everyone can enter.
BORE - a) A person who talks when you want him to listen.
b) A man, who when you ask him how he is, tells you so in detail.
BOREDOM - The most damnable of all sufferings.
BOSS - One who is early when you are late, and late when you are early.
BOY - A wild unmanageable beast.
BRAIN - Antenna of the body. Sponge like organization of nerve endings.
BRAVERY - A cheap and vulgar quality of which the brightest instances are found in the lowest savages.
BREVITY - The soul of wit.
BRIDE - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
BUDGET -a) Monthly planning for future expenses wherein, despite having incurred unexpected expenses every month, we expect to have none during the coming month.
b) An accounting puzzle which just refuses to work out.
BUFFET - Get up and get it yourself.
BUILDING - Erection of a dwelling place foundation for which must not be laid before you are 45, you must have five year's income in hand before you lay a brick and always calculate the expense at the double the estimate.
BUREAUCRAT - An official who tells you, quoting rules, why your request cannot be entertained, as opposed to an administrator who tells you how it can be done within the same rules.
BUREAUCRACY - Thoroughness without thought.
BURKHA - Uniform of a virtuous woman - a highly inflammable piece of property requiring careful insulation from the male gaze.